I’ve been working on a new story, and am about five chapters in. I think the pacing is good and the overall structure is working, but there is a clear issue. The source of the issue stands out against the rest of the story, but I don’t know yet how to fix it. There are things that I do know.
The main character was a side character from a few of my other stories. In particular, he showed up in Timmy’s Zombie Abatement Service and as the first deputy on the scene in Rumpe Farm Investigation. I tried other characters as the lead for the current story, but this Deputy Fairmont seems to be the best fit.
In the tale, he is going through the motions and doing the right things. He seems dedicated to doing his job, but there is no other depth. This makes the whole tale seem like a description from a history book rather than an interesting tale. There are few of us who enjoy reading history books.
The trick would be to find out more about the deputy. His biography is clear. He has a bachelor degree in criminal justice. After that he went to the academy to go into law enforcement instead of going to law school. This job with the Abish County Sheriff’s Office is his first and he has only been there two years.
The other deputies are all local, having grown up in Abish county. Fairmont is the only one with a college degree, and he’s an outsider, so there is a little friction. However, he can be sent into situations where the other deputies may have a prior relationship with the people involved.
What bugs Fairmont is his future. The posting in Abish County is not what he expected. His friends from the academy describe different situations in the other counties. They regularly see alcohol issues, traffic collisions, disorderly conduct, domestic disputes, and meth-related crimes. None of them have had to investigate grave robbing or Prohibition Era mob murder houses.
The rest of the department doesn’t think there is anything wrong with that. Calls come in about weird lights or strange noises and the department says to make note of when it happens and, as long as no one is hurt and there is no property damage, don’t worry about it. They don’t even claim it’s swamp gas or weather balloons; it’s just one of those things that happen.
So far, the department has approved of Fairmont’s handling of things. They tell him he has a bright future in the county. He’s starting to wonder if “bright” means a good future or something more like the movie The Wicker Man.
This is the part that needs to be integrated into the story. Normally I would try to weave in the character’s general motivations along with their in-story goals to give the character depth. Now I need to do this for a character who has no idea what he wants but do it in a way so that the reader gets the point rather than just be bored.
My dear Deputy Fairmont, I need to get you sorted out. I’ll either figure out how this works or decide to write other things. Either way, you seem to have a bright future in my writing.