Buick Part 3 – Seats and Buckles

The fact that the driver’s seat belt buckle would not fasten was a serious safety concern. To get the Buick LeSabre home from the dealership, I had to stretch my seat belt over to the passenger’s buckle. It was still in the middle of the seat, but not quite the same. The dealer took five-hundred bucks off the cost of the car because of it. Still, it needed to be fixed.

The car obviously belonged to a smoker who had kids and dogs. The dealer tried to clean the car, but there were still plenty of things to clean or replace. Rows of thumbtacks held up the headliner (the cloth in the car’s ceiling). Cigarette burns and dog hair colored the carpet. Worse, the cleaning fluid the dealer used would not go away and the odor was getting to be a bit much.

Over winter break between semesters, I needed to replace the seat belt buckle. Some place on eBay had one new, in the box, for a reasonable price. All I needed to do was to get the driver seat out.

For reference, the seat bolts are Torx T-45. I couldn’t find that anywhere.

The driver seat of a luxury car has a lot of automatic features. Each of those comfort features has to be able to move a really heavy driver while not impeding any safety features. Each of those features adds weight to the seat. I’m surprised I didn’t get hurt wrestling that thing out of the car. Worse, fighting with it pressed my nose right into the scent of that cleaner.

To make matters more fun, the front, outer bolt was rusted in place. I could unscrew the other three bolts, but not that one. Penetrating fluid did nothing. Heating didn’t help. Nothing budged it at all. Running out of time, I finally had to drill it out. What a pain.

As mentioned, the Buick barely fits in the garage, but I was working on it in December. This meant putting up with the cramped space to get the seat out.

The Carpet Too

Since I was taking the seat out anyway, I decided to do something about the carpet. Several places on the Internet sell custom automotive carpets. I found an inexpensive one and got it matched. While the driver seat was out, I pulled the passenger seat (which does not have all the automatic things), and replaced the carpet.

The original carpet had thick padding stuck to the bottom. That cleaning fluid the dealer used had soaked into the padding, oozing out with any pressure. The odor filled the garage and continued to do so until I could dispose of the nasty thing. It was really disgusting.

While the old carpet was up, I cleaned the exposed metal floor. There were a few light rust spots, so I cleaned the rust off as best I could then applied a nice rust converter followed by some primer. Fortunately, the radiant heater in the garage glowed directly down into the passenger compartment of the car to keep it warm enough for these activities.

My winter break ran out of time, so I hurried along to get done. The new carpet still needs to be tidied up along the edges where it goes under the trim, but it already looks and smells better. I got the seats and seat belt buckle installed so the car was drivable. When it gets warm enough, I’ll put the head rests back on since I forgot to do that while installing the seats.

And the Rest

While waiting for ordered parts and such, I made a few other little fixes. The original ashtray hung down wildly, so I replaced it. I also fixed a few broken pieces of plastic on the dash, with the help of J-B Weld Plastic, an awesome epoxy for plastic parts. All the vents work now.

It was also a good time to tear everything open and douse it in disinfectant as I went. All the plastic that a person could contact is now germ free. I got as far as I could into the vents as well. All that’s left are the seats and the headliner. The seats will get steam cleaned as soon as it gets warm enough out. The headliner will be replaced during the summer some time.

With that, there were only a few things left to do. I was a little over the original budget, but the car should be drivable for the next couple of decades. As long as there aren’t any more surprises.

I really shouldn’t have said that.

Buick Part 2 – Into the Shop

I made arrangements to get the Buick LeSabre into the shop, the same shop that fixed my KIA Rio. Unfortunately, the Buick wouldn’t start. The battery died while sitting in front of my house. Well, that was annoying, but the car was headed for the shop anyway. I would let them take care of it.

My regular towing service popped by to load the Buick on the flatbed. Off it went. Since it was a backup vehicle, the shop could take its time. I wasn’t worried about anything, yet.

I assumed the car would need tires, breaks, shocks and struts, and all the fluids replaced. Turned out the tires still had tread, so I didn’t replace them. Everything else on my list needed work. There were a few additional things that I hadn’t noticed when looking things over at the dealership.

A couple of the parts that hold the engine to the rest of the car, called “motor mounts”, were broken. Part of the steering system was leaking fluids, so that needed to be replaced. They also replaced the battery.

At this point, I was approaching the original planned maximum budget. The mechanic said the engine was otherwise in really good shape. Since the 3800 V-6 was a forever engine, I should be able to drive the car another ten to twenty years with proper maintenance. That meant I would be able to get my money’s worth.

I drove the car back home with a few errands on the way.

A few days later, I couldn’t start it. The battery was dead. It seemed I had an intermittent, electrical problem. That meant that sometimes, but not all the time, some piece of the wiring would just decide to drain the battery. I hate intermittent problems.

While hunting for the issue, I found that once the windshield wipers were on, they stayed on until I pulled the fuse. This was also a “sometimes” problem. It was getting really annoying.

The Bigger Issue

The main problem with all this was that I was in the middle of a semester. I have absolutely zero free time in the middle of a semester. That meant no time to hunt down electrical issues.

I called my regular shop to get their opinion. They said they weren’t really equipped to handle that sort of problem and recommended an automotive electrical shop. I made arrangements there.

The day of the appointment, I attached my newly charged battery and drove to work. At work, I disconnected the battery so it wouldn’t drain. After work, I reconnected the battery and drove over to the new shop and dropped it off. A taxi got me home. It’s not fun having a car that needs extra steps to do basic things.

A week went by and they hadn’t found anything. It turned out they were just going out every morning and starting the car. Since nothing changed, they didn’t know where to look. I suggested they start the car and take it for a drive to see if something could be shaken loose.

Honestly, I was getting frustrated at the lack of progress. I contemplated just having them stop and I would take the car elsewhere. That is when they called to let me know what they found.

The ignition cylinder, the part where the key goes, was missing some of its innards. That meant that you could take the key out regardless of the position. If you didn’t have the key in just the right place, it would turn on the accessories for the car and drain the battery.

Time for a Switch

Unfortunately, they could not replace the ignition switch because it was missing those parts and they wouldn’t know how to configure a new one for the key. They recommended that I contact a locksmith who worked on vehicles. They were, however, able to fix my dashboard so all the gauges worked and the light usually worked.

I called around to a couple of locksmiths. Most weren’t interested, probably because it sounds suspicious that I would want a new cylinder when the old was missing its parts. It sounds like a stolen vehicle. The most positive response was, “I’ll do some research and get back to you.” He never got back to me.

Ignition cylinder kits are available online. If you don’t know how to configure them, they are useless. It took a while, but I found an old YouTube video of a guy showing exactly how to determine the configuration of General Motors keys from my car’s era so you can configure an ignition cylinder.

Feeling web-educated, I ordered a kit. The instructions were easy to follow, so I got the cylinder configured for my key. I tried it with all three keys. Now all I needed was a mix of free time and warm weather to put the new cylinder into the car. I’m still waiting and will probably be waiting until summer.

You may ask, why not do the work in the garage? Well, a Buick LeSabre is a lengthy car. Though my tiny KIA Rio fits well enough, the Buick does not. When I pulled it in, the front was inches away from the workbench and the rear was inches from the garage door. Opening the doors barely gave enough room to get in.

Of course, I did have to do some work in the garage. There was the matter of the driver’s seat belt buckle replacement. What a pain.

Buick Part 1 – Getting a Backup Car

The car I drive every day is now fifteen years old. It’s been a reliable car, but an event last fall made me decide to get a backup car for when this one is in the shop. This should have gone smoothly, but I may have outsmarted myself. What do I mean by that?

The regular car is a 2010 KIA Rio. I bought it new with twenty-four miles on the odometer. Last fall, the speedometer went wild and all the dash lights came on. Fortunately, I was only a few blocks from the place where I usually buy batteries. I managed to get in.

They did some tests. The alternator was shot and it took the battery with it. I got a new battery and had them install it. That gave me enough juice to go the two miles home. I would have to take the car to the shop, but it was late Saturday evening and my mechanic was closed.

Sunday morning, I had the KIA towed to the mechanic. They are usually busy on Sundays, but they said they would try to get it in. That left me with a moment of panic. If they couldn’t fix my car Sunday, I didn’t have an easy way to get to work and back on Monday. That’s when I decided to look for a cheap backup.

The Internet has made car shopping easier. There are many sites that aggregate available cars, including from dealers. I set a budget and perused the options. I found two that looked promising. The first was a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am for two-grand. It was probably ok, but I’ve seen how some of these coupes get treated by their owners. The picture looked good, but I worried about suspension and such.

The other option was a 2005 Buick LeSabre Custom in Cedar Falls. From the photo it looked like the body had a few dents and dings. Generally, these cars were owned by older drivers who were unlikely to be drag racing or taking sharp corners at full speed. It also had the GM 3800 V-6 engine which has a reputation of lasting forever with proper maintenance.

The shop got my KIA fixed in time for me to pick it up Sunday afternoon. There is a great benefit from being a regular customer for several decades. With a way of getting around, I made arrangements to check out the Buick after work on Monday.

I got to the dealership Monday evening and they didn’t know what I was talking about. After a bit of discussion, we figured out that I had been interacting with a chatbot and not a real employee. That was annoying, but I was more focused on checking out the car.

The Buick looked like its pictures, a little scuffed but not too bad. It started and drove around. The dash dials were wonky. They wanted two thousand, but I balked a bit. The driver’s seat belt buckle would not latch and that was a safety issue. Because of that, they knocked five hundred off. Being way under planned budget, I cut them a check and said I wouldn’t be able to pick up the car until later in the week because I had to get someone to drive me up.

Thursday, my friend and coworker Mark drove me up to get the car (thanks, Mark!). They found all the parts. I put the sales paperwork and my temporary proof of insurance into the glove box and took off in my “new” car.

The gas gauge sat on empty and I wasn’t sure if the gauge was faulty or if the car really was empty. My first stop was a Casey’s about a mile down the road. The Buick has an eighteen gallon tank andI put in seventeen and a half. I also went in to get washer solution, oil, and coolant with a plan to make sure everything was topped off before heading home.

The drive was mostly smooth. The worn out shocks meant that any notable bump left the car sauntering more like a horse for a bit, but nothing too bad. The air conditioner didn’t work, but some of the windows rolled down, so the early evening drive just before sundown was pleasant. To my surprise, the radio worked great.

I was just about home when I changed my mind about something. The dealer only had one key for the car. My preference is to have at least two, and maybe a spare stored somewhere safe. I altered my course and headed over to my local Menards because I knew they had a key kiosk.

The kiosk read my solitary key and said everything was good except for one little thing. The head of the key contains a security identifier chip. The new keys would need that. The kiosk would have to send my order to the main office and they would then mail me my keys in a week or so. Also, the security keys were more expensive. Oops.

While at Menards, I hit up the automotive section. The car needed floor mats, so I got some of those. I also got some cleaning supplies, especially disinfectant. I’m a bit of a germaphobe, so driving somebody else’s car creeps me out a bit. It would be a while before the car was “mine” with all my personal germs as the primary grossness.

By this time, it was getting late. I thought about swinging by a drive-through for supper, but I didn’t want to put my food on the seats of the car. I wasn’t worried about the seats; I was still creeped out about other people’s germs. Instead, I just drove the thing home and parked it in front of the house.

The whole idea of buying an older, cheaper car is that the money can then be spent on getting everything fixed. If you buy a used car, you can’t be sure about any of the parts or fluids. If all your money goes into the purchase of the car, you don’t have money for things that may or may not break. If you buy a cheap car, you can take it to the shop and just have everything replaced. It may not be less expensive than the other car by the time it all adds up, but you know all the parts and fluids are new.

The next step, then, was getting the car into the shop and getting everything worked on.

When Stories Go Wild

A story has been coagulating in my noggin. It takes place in the same county as my other little horror stories, so I should be able to concentrate on the telling and not worry so much about details. I figured out the details for those other tales. Unfortunately, the narrative doesn’t agree.

Things began with Timmy’s Zombie Abatement Service and a few places in Abish County, Iowa. It is a fictional county made up by averaging out all the rural counties in the state. Essentially, Iowa has ninety-nine counties, but Abish ain’t one. So far, there’s a primary town, a little history, and a sheriff’s department.

What is the name of that town anyway? For the new story, it would be nice to know. The next question: how do I create a fictional county seat for an Iowa county without picking an existing town, and while making it sound like an actual Iowa town. Time to fall back on averaging and pattern matching. The new name for the town is Elrin.

The next struggle: road names. There are two ways to name county roads in Iowa. If there was a good reason, and a petition, then the road may use a common name that has been around a while. Otherwise, there is a coding scheme that uses letters ‘A’ through ‘J’ for East-West roads, and ‘K’ through ‘Z’ for North-South roads. The lettering transitions as the roads move further south or east through the state.

This means I must either reference the roads by the common name, or come up with a relative location for my county within the state. One of my goals with this county was to make it a generic, average, rural county in Iowa. Using letter codes for the county roads would establish a location, which also establishes terrain, nearness to large cities, and other things. I could use weird combinations, for example having one road with an ‘A’ and another with a ‘Z’ in the same county is nonsensical in the real world. It’s a tough one.

A county also needs more towns than just the county seat. A typical county in Iowa will have around eight to ten actual towns, but may also have other communities such as unincorporated areas. Online searches must be phrased as “counties in Iowa” and not “Iowa counties” because the search engines keep wanting to “correct” the spelling to “Iowa County”, an actual county in Iowa. When I do figure out those towns, they need names and people.

A couple of members of the sheriff’s department participated in the earlier stories. Some show up again. Everytime they show up, they require more development while still staying true to their original appearances. One of them is the main character in the new tale. This requires that I carefully review my prior notes and integrate them into the new notes. Since this is a recurring thing, I need to create a story-independent database of characters.

Finally, because my brain works like this, details about the history of the county have started to bubble up. When was the county founded? Who were those founders? Were they into anything weird? Is there a reason why this county may be better suited to odd things happening? There seem to be long-reaching shadows that may lead to more stories later.

The overall result of this is that writing the story is taking longer than thought. My preference is to say I want to jump right in and tell the tale. Unfortunately, part of my brain would rather spend all the time building every little detail of this story’s world. It’s a constant fight. I will get there eventually.

Advice for Charles

Like any good American, I have plenty of opinions on matters I know very little about. In accordance with long standing tradition, I feel very comfortable communicating those opinions to everybody whether they want to hear about them or not. Now that he’s had time to get settled in, I have my advice for His Royal Highness, King Charles III of the United Kingdom.

First, there is the context. Not too long ago, the European Union grew strong. They built power both economically and militarily. The strength came predominantly from the three leading nations: Germany, France, and the United Kingdom. This was a bother to other powers such as Russia and China.

One could easily find issues with those three leading nations. France tends to be politically unstable, changing their ruling coalitions regularly, and they have done this for a very long time. Germany itself didn’t become a single country until 1871 and it spent a good part of the twentieth century split in two. The only truly stable part of that three-legged stool was Britain.

The Brits have been ruled by the same family for the past thousand years. Even their civil wars just decided which branch of the family got to sit on the throne. That is a type of longevity not matched by other European nations. On top of that, the late Elizabeth II was queen for so long that most people only knew her as the monarch. Again, this is an extraordinary type of stability.

It’s for this reason that foreign powers encouraged the rabble rousing that led to Brexit, the British split from the European Union. It was easy enough to find manipulable UK leaders to go along with the idea, and the general populace are always willing to vote against the status quo, even if they are being lied to. With this, the European Union weakened, and the UK faced many new problems, many of them economic.

The new Brexit-related problems are not the only issues in Britain. High urban crime rates, especially among the youth, is a big issue. Some of that involves unemployment and other economic problems. There is a large immigrant community that is not integrating well into the tiny island nation. Generally, they are suffering the same issues as most other modern western nations.

What Does That Have to Do with the King?

Due to the lateness of his coronation, Charles is unlikely to rule for as long as his mother; sorry to sound morbid. She was able to be that beacon of stability not just in Britain, but to much of the western world. Even anti-monarch types knew exactly where they stood. Charles won’t be able to build that stability, even though the stability is important.

Humans like stability. As children, we need a stable home life to grow up healthy. As adults, we need our anchors in the sea of chaos, so we turn to “trusted” institutions, even if we only trust them to be there. The British monarchy and Queen Elizabeth provided that anchor to many, again, even if they didn’t like it.

But Charles can’t do that.

What can he do instead? He can take advantage of his position to be disruptive.

As a constitutional monarch, his official powers are limited. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have influence over how things go. By pressing certain issues, he can bring things to the political and social forefront and get them discussed. His words (and wealth) carry weight that few can match. He can direct this power toward things that are needed but may be unpopular or would make political enemies.

For example, the high youth crime and high unemployment could be addressed through mandatory military service. Many countries have this and it seems to work well. Provide a few reasonable exemptions (doing well in school, sole provider, etc.) and send every sixteen-year-old to training and service. Plenty of places in the world could use the British military humanitarian aid, so there are things for these swelled ranks to do. For an island nation, putting more of their population on ships frees up a lot of space.

As for the large number of immigrants, many of whom are of the undocumented kind, make some new requirements. For example, each must swear to place British law above all other laws (including Sharia law). Make sure each has a plan to integrate into British society through education and work, with regular check-ins to assure progress. Tie this progress to not being deported. This processing creates new jobs.

Crack down on outside foreign influence in politics. Make it so that persons, such as the Brexit advocates, must declare any support they are getting from outside sources. Failing to do so makes that person a foreign operative and a criminal subject to prosecution. That would be fun to watch.

There are probably countless other needed but unpopular changes to push. As an opinionated but poorly informed outsider, I wouldn’t know all of them, but the idea is clear. Find the fixes that are harsh and abrupt and push for them to shake things up and fix what can be fixed.

How Does This Help Stability?

Every so often, you need to do a good shakeup to get rid of all the settled crap. There is nothing stable about that. You take out the rug, beat it until everything is out that is going to come out, and you leave it to hang in the sun and breeze for a little bit. Then, however, you take it back in and place it back on the floor where it will stay for a long time.

That’s the thought here. As mentioned, Charles, sadly. will not have the long, stable reign of his mother. However, his son might.

William, the Prince of Wales, is still young. If he gets to the throne soon enough, he can have a long, peaceful life as the ruling monarch. Following the patterns of his grandmother, he could help maintain that lighthouse of stability for quite a while. It would help if many of the more serious problems of Britain were addressed before he took his seat.

This is where Charles can pave the way. He can make use of his time to beat the rug and get rid of as many issues as he can as fast and as harshly as he can. Then, William can ascend to the throne with a freshly aired out rug at his feet, ready for many years of peace and stability.

If they don’t already have this sort of thing in their handbook, it really should be. The same family has been ruling for quite a while, so they seem to know how to keep that going. It’s not just something for royal families, every leader should understand the importance of stability and the occasional, necessary shakeup.

Why Should Outsiders Care?

As mentioned, there is a stability that comes from the setup in Britain. It is an anchor in western Europe that helps maintain order. All commerce, agriculture, and political discourse relies on that order for progress, even if it slows things down sometimes. The fact that the enemies of the European Union chose to remove Britain in order to weaken the Union shows how important that is.

In the United States, we talk a lot about defeating the British and starting our own nation. Despite that, we have maintained a strong connection, both politically and culturally. When Charles was crowned, many in the U. S. took note, even if it was to complain about it. There was an impact. Again, the long history provides structure to an otherwise chaotic life.

A stable Britain helps maintain a more stable world. For the U. S., it is our jumping off point into Europe. For the western Europeans, it is the cousin they can always complain about, but still remember as strong. For the eastern powers, Britain’s stability is a threat.

So that is why I offer up this advice. His Highness will never see it and it would have no actual impact on the world. Like so many, I’m just shouting into the void of the Internet to get the thoughts out of my head. Still, now the thought is out and I have no control over where it goes. May the winds catch its sails and take it wherever.